Cool down Willard (cool down) You′re just too hot for the farm I said cool down Willard (cool down) You gotta throttle back on the charm Yeah my wife and my grandma and my aunt May Go wild when you wave your toupee Cool down Willard (cool down) You're just too hot for the farm Well I′m up every morning at the crack of dawn But my wife's already up and got the TV on Just sittin' there, starin′ at the test pattern You can′t budge her from that spot She's waitin′ for that early morning Today Show With that sexy weatherman, her superhero Old debonair, devil-may-care Willard Scott "Oh Willard, ye're jes′ tha sweetest thang!" "Now sit down grandma and put your teeth back in, You're drooling all in your cream of wheat!" "Oh, Willard...!" Now grandma just ain′t been the same Since her last birthday when Willard mentioned her name Right there on coast-to-coast TV Why, we had to step up her medication! And the wife don't cook and don't clean the home She′s talkin′ all day on the telephone 'Bout what Willard said, what Willard wore Why, it′s a serious situation! Said cool down Willard (cool down) You're just too hot for the farm Cool down Willard (cool down) You gotta throttle back on the charm There′s just so much these women can take You're the hottest thing they ever hit while awake I said cool down Willard (cool down) You′re just too hot for the farm "Oh, here I am Willard! Take me, you handsome hunk!" "Now grandma don't get yourself all riled up!" "Come on, Willard!" "Grandma, what HAVE you got on?!" Now grandma ain't been acting like she should Since she rode off to Frederick′s of Hollywood She just puts on her little outfit And waits for Mr. Excitement with the boutonniere The whole darn thing has just gone too far They even started talkin′ 'bout gettin′ a VCR So they can watch Willard 24 hours a day I tell you it just ain't fair (Cool down Willard) Why this is worse than Elvis! Or the Beatles! (Cool down Willard) Yeah, the way these women are just throwing themselves at this man What is it gonna take for somebody to help me with these chores? Cool down Willard I mean I′m out there working my fingers to the bone! Cool down Willard Milking the cows, slopping the hogs... Cool down Willard Feedin' them chickens, I′m sick of this! I'm tellin' ya Willard, I′m out there killing myself And these women are all piled up in the bed there watchin′ you on TV Cool down Willard Cavorting around and trampling with their [?] I tell you Willard! Willard!!
Writer(s): Cyrus W. Kalb Jr.