You′ve got to look your best tonight, You tubby little parasite, 'Cause there′s a lovely lady and she's waiting for you.
And though her pretty face may seem A special person's wettest dream Before you get to see it there are things you must do. We′ll try a tie and boutonniere of yellow Or a rose that shows that you′re a classy fellow With the posh panache of Jefferson at Monticello Busting out a mile with style. I know you just can't wait to stare At all that luscious orange hair But, boy, before you touch a single curl, You must impress that ultra bloomin′, All-consumin', poorly groomin′ Down's Syndrome girl. On any normal day you reek As if you′re on a farting streak. Your finger's up your nose And you are dripping with drool. But if you want a lady's love, You′re better off by smelling of A gentleman′s cologne instead of sneakers and stool. A squirt, a spurt Of something just for Ellen And you'll see, that she Will find you so compellin′ And she does, because The only smell that she'll be smellin′ Won't be coming from your bum. (Farts) You wanna take that little whore And spin her on the dancing floor, But boy, before you do a single twirl, You must impress that effervescing, Self-possessing, no BS-ing Down′s Syndrome girl. Her eyes are emerald portals To a secret land of love And her smile is like the sweetest summer flower. Her kiss is so inviting And her hugs are so delighting, And what makes them really nice Is that they've got a little spice, Because they're tighter than a vise And they go on for an hour. (Stewie and Chris tap dance) My boy, between the two of us, We′ll get you on that shorty bus And then you′re gonna take it for a whirl. Now go impress that super-thrilling, Wish-fulfilling, Yoo-Hoo spilling, Ultra-swinging, boner-bringing, Gaily singing, dingalinging, Stupefying, fortifying, As of Monday, shoelace tying, Stimulating, titillating, Kitty-cat impersonating, Mega-rocking, pillow-talking, Just a little crooked walking, Coyly pouting, booby-sprouting: For some reason always shouting, Fascinating, captivating, Happiness and joy creating... (Glass shatters) Down's Syndrome Girl!
Writer(s): Seth Macfarlane, Walter Anthony Murphy