May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We're going to have a problem here Y'all act like you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door Started whoopin' her ass worse than before They first get divorced throwing her over furniture (scream) It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did, did He?" And Dr Dre said Nothing you idiots Dr Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha) Feminist women love Eminem Chicka chicka chicka Slim Shady I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what Flipin' the you know who "yeah, but he's so cute though" Yea I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose But can't, but its cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a women's clitoris is. Of course they gonna know what intercourse is By the time they hit 4th grade They got the discovery channel don't they? We ain't nothing but mammals; well some of us cannibals Who cut other people open like cantaloupes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. Women wave your pantyhose, sing the and it goes... I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim Shady Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up Because I'm Slim Shady Yes I'm the real Shady All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Slim shady Please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too. You think I give a damm about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Slim what if you win wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first. Little bitch put me on blast on M-T-V "yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he" I should download her audio on mp3 And show the whole world how you gave Eminem V.D. (scream) I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me So I've been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me Who just don't give a fuck like me Who dress like me Walk, talk and act like me It just might be the next best thing But not quite me I'm like a headtrip to listen to 'Cause I'm only giving you Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of ya'll And I don't gotta be false or sugar coated at all I just get on the mic and spit it And whether you like to admit it (rip) I just shit it better than 90% of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kidz eat up these albums like valiums. Its funny 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm 30 I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting. Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens and I'm jerking But this whole bag of viagra isn't working And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin' He could be workin at Burger King spitten on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling Screaming I don't give a fuck With his windows down and system up So will the real Shady, please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Writer(s): Marshall Mathers